Missing His Kisses

Mon, 17 Jun 2013 09:15:29 -0400

"Do you even know how many stuffed animals I sleep with when you’re not here, desperately trying to..."

Sun, 06 Jan 2013 17:17:24 -0500

“Do you even know how many stuffed animals I sleep with when you’re not here, desperately trying to fill the void you leave in my bed?”

- a line from the novel (via papercrushed)

Sometimes the longing is so intense that I feel like I can't breathe.

Sun, 14 Oct 2012 20:04:04 -0400

My chest feels like it won’t expand as much as I know it should, and all I want is to have enough air to exhale steadily without shaking. And even though the room and my apartment and the very fabric of the world is full of oxygen, it just doesn’t seem to be enough. It’s in those moments that I realize—it’s not air that my lungs are screaming for. It’s you.

Come back.

Thu, 04 Oct 2012 13:30:04 -0400

xsandos:

Dear You,

I miss you so much that my body physically aches. I weep in a way I’ve never cried about anything. I eat too much or not at all. I sleep that way too.

I want to hold you, or for you to hold me. I want you to touch all the parts of me that hurt. And you can’t do that from where you are.

You say you understand, but you don’t know how badly I need you. No one does. And that scares me.

The mask I wear is failing me. It’s getting harder and harder to pretend that everything’s okay.

Come back.

Please.

X’s and O’s,

me

Sometimes I just want to scream, "Use your words, douchebag."

Sun, 30 Sep 2012 22:59:45 -0400

I know you love me, miss me, want me. Would it kill you to say it every now and then?

Photo

Mon, 23 Jul 2012 15:13:19 -0400

Missing.

Mon, 16 Jul 2012 17:55:00 -0400

My hole. It’s what I’ve come to call the empty feeling in the center of my belly that seems to come out of nowhere at the most inopportune of times. I’ll be in the middle of writing an email, or sitting on the train on my way home from work and I’ll feel it open up inside me.

Sometimes it’s sudden, like I’m a thin sheet of paper being shoved into a hole-puncher and I want to double over from the pain of missing you.

At other times it happens slowly, like a blooming flower in one of those time-lapse videos, except my time away from you isn’t lapsing at all.

It’s almost like your physical absence becomes a part of me and I feel it in the same way amputees feel their missing limbs.

I guess that’s why we use the same word to describe something that’s lost, and how we feel about someone who’s gone.

Photo

Tue, 10 Jul 2012 11:48:10 -0400

"lady i swear by all flowers. Don’t cry"

Mon, 07 May 2012 23:00:29 -0400

“lady i swear by all flowers. Don’t cry”

- E. E. Cummings

Tonight, I'm angry.

Sun, 06 May 2012 22:04:00 -0400

I’m pissed off and fucking mad as hell. At you. At your job. At the fact that you left me here. Sometimes I can only feel that part of it—the leaving—and all logic goes out the window. Tonight is one of those times. I want to punch something. I want to punch you. But I also just want you to say that it will be ok. Because right now, it doesn’t feel like it ever will be.

I miss you more when it rains.

Sat, 21 Apr 2012 23:14:26 -0400

Photo

Thu, 05 Apr 2012 11:59:56 -0400

I'm afraid to go to bed because I know I'll cry and I don't want to.

Sun, 01 Apr 2012 01:52:00 -0400

"Go, go if you must and I will lie here waiting for you to come back."

Sun, 01 Apr 2012 01:42:49 -0400

“Go, go if you must
and I will lie here waiting
for you to come back.”

- Daily Haiku on Love by Tyler Knott Gregson

(via tylerknott)

Photo

Sun, 01 Apr 2012 00:08:40 -0400

It's happening.

Sun, 01 Apr 2012 00:03:00 -0400

That tight feeling in the pit of my stomach that comes out of nowhere. It’s the first time all week I’ve been able to sit still, and it’s like my body was waiting for a quiet moment to let the weight of your absence settle.

I saw your hair on my towel and almost immediately my stomach twisted.

Your hair is here, but you are not.

That was all I could think for a solid five minutes, and the thought keeps creeping back in when I least expect it, stirring a longing in me that I’m struggling and failing to keep quiet.

Why does the hair get to stay while the rest of you has to go? Why leave such an insubstantial but brutally heartbreaking part of yourself behind?

Your hair is here, but you are not.

And its one of those nights where that simple fact alone is too much to take.

"It probably gets pretty lonely being Grandma, don’t you think?” I told her “It probably gets pretty..."

Thu, 29 Mar 2012 16:05:05 -0400

““It probably gets pretty lonely being Grandma, don’t you think?” I told her “It probably gets pretty lonely to be anyone.””

- Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (via papercrushed)

I would never cheat on you.

Thu, 29 Mar 2012 10:17:00 -0400

I just found out that one of my friends cheated on her long-time boyfriend. I’m not judging her for what she did. To be frank, cheating actually fascinates me because I honestly don’t think it would be physically possible for me to cheat. I don’t understand how you can love someone but do those intimate, special things with someone else.

Distance is hard. Really hard. But I never think about anyone else the way I think about you, not even for a second. It doesn’t matter that they are inches away while you’re miles away. No one else could ever be you.

When I fall, I fall hard. I love quickly and completely and when I’m taken my heart is too full of that person to ever do anything that I know would cause them pain. And I couldn’t betray anyone like that. Especially not you.

"Squeeze me harder now and let your hands show my back how much you missed me."

Wed, 14 Mar 2012 12:53:15 -0400

“Squeeze me harder now
and let your hands show my back
how much you missed me.”

- Daily Haiku on Love by Tyler Knott Gregson (via tylerknott)

Photo

Fri, 02 Mar 2012 13:57:58 -0500